(Our first family photo, weeks after he was born and could finally wear clothes)
Our first son was born three months early at 27 weeks old. He weighed a whopping 2lbs 7oz. There was one moment I was truly terrified I was going to give birth only to lose him. I remember getting to the hospital after experiencing extreme pain for several hours. I was obviously clueless to the fact that these were labor pains. Hello, I was only 27 weeks along, I wasn't expecting those to be happening. I'm usually pretty tolerant to pain, but this was something else. It was intense. I knew something was wrong. We got to the hospital, and the nurse all of a sudden started shouting orders to get me a room and call my doctor. I was dialated to a 9.5 and 100% effaced. Our baby was coming. The nurse left and I started bawling. I hadn't felt him move all day. When I heard that sweet heartbeat, well, there was no sweeter sound.
Four hours after he was born I went to the nicu to see him. He was later given a blessing by his dad with family circled around our baby boy in his little incubator. I'll never forget that feeling, and I'll never forget the continuous comfort I felt during the following months he was in that nicu.
During those three months I was constantly asked how I was doing. I was constantly being told, "you're so strong. I'd be a mess." Which I know people were just trying to give support and show they cared, but oftentimes it made me feel like a bad mother, because in all honesty, I wasn't scared. I wasn't a wreck. Yes I was sad to leave him every night when we'd go back home without him. Yes I so very much wanted to hold him 24/7, without cords. I wanted to take him on walks in his stroller and see him laugh and just be his mom. But I knew he'd be okay. I knew I'd be ok.
John 14:27 reads,
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
Im not one who usually just will, out of the blue, have a scripture pop into my head. But the entire time our son was in the nicu that verse would quietly enter into my thoughts. This verse calmed me. Every hour of every day I was filled with comfort and knowledge that we would bring our baby boy home with us one day.
I'm grateful Corbin came early because during that time in our life my testimony grew in a way it couldn't have otherwise. I learned how sacred, how powerful and how sweet the Saviors love is. I learned to trust. To have hope. I learned that even through our hardest times it is possible to experience hope and joy. The Holy Ghost has power to comfort. When you feel hopeless, alone or even ask the question, "why me," there is power in seeking for strength and comfort. There is One who can help you; who wants to help you. Keep Him always near you. Trust in Him.
This little boy who came into our life fighting for his own life is now six years old and the top in his kindergarten class. He is a spectacular little man. He is forgiving, loving, kind, compassionate, smart, an amazing big brother, a gift, blessing and joy in our life.
I know that whatever trial we may face we can overcome it. He has suffered it all. He knows our heartache and pain. He has overcome it. He is willing to help you overcome it and strengthen you at the same time. Have faith, trust, and find in Him the comfort you need.