For my 16th birthday I was SO excited. Like, beyond words excited. I had planned an evening out with a few friends to go to Temple Square and watch the "Testaments" and then go get a Jamba Juice. I'm lucky I had a few friends who found that fun, because I know most 16 year olds probably weren't doing that for their 16th birthday. Ha ha! In fact, my husband still giggles a little bit when we reflect back to how different we were as teenagers. We know we most likely would not have dated each other had we met back then. Ha ha. When my husband and I met I was enrolled in missionary prep to prepare to go on a mission for my church. As we got more serious I knew I needed to choose what path to go on. As I prayed, and although I never received a "this is what you should do" type answer I jumped and decided to stop going to mission prep and continue on with my relationship with Aaron. Every single day I've been with him since then has been my answer that I made the right decision.
There's not anything anybody could ever say or do that would shake my faith and knowledge in the gospel. N O T H I N G. It wasn't always like this. I feel like a lot of my adolescence I held on to others testimonies. I had a belief in the gospel, and I always wanted that unshakeable faith so many of the women I looked up to had. I read a quote somebody shared the other day that totally just hit deep with me,
"If Satan can't get you to stop believing in the gospel, he'll do everything he can to make you stop believing in yourself."
Satan knows, I know he knows, there's nothing he could possible throw at me that will break MY OWN testimony that I've gained. Not one thing. And the more I say that, the more he hears it from me, the lower he sits in his seat and hates that he's lost yet another person. He knows the Lords side is building and getting stronger with every person that says, " I KNOW, and there is NOTHING you can do that will make me doubt my testimony." He's thinking, "well crap. How else can I make you miserable then? Oh, I know let's get in that head of yours and destroy your self worth. I'll do everything I can in order to make you feel like your inadequate. And when you start to feel worth something and like your on the right track I will tell you that you are full of pride and you should get off your high horse."
Well gosh dang, he's got that on a lot of us doesn't he? So many mothers, wives, students, daughters, grandmothers, single moms, working moms, high school girls etc he's got us all doubting ourselves. For me, I struggle a lot with wanting to make my family proud of me. Am I the woman my mom hoped I would become? Do I make her proud to call me her daughter? Does she know how much I love her, and know that she is one of my very best friends? Am I a good enough wife for my mother-in-laws son? Is she proud to call me her daughter? Do I provide my children all of my love and attention they deserve? Do I bare my testimony and stand up for what I KNOW is true in the way He wants me to? Am I the daughter HE wanted me to become?
Do you struggle with worries of self doubt and insecurities? Do you struggle with gaining your own personal testimony? I want you to know that YOU are beautiful. YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOU are worth it. You already have a testimony if you're wanting to have a stronger one. No matter how big or small that testimony is the fact of the matter is, is that it's there. Nourish it and devote more time in finding truth. Don't be afraid of what others may think of you. The closer you are to Him the happier you'll become, even through those moments of self doubt. Let your light shine. Let your example be a light for others around you. I hope that through me others can feel the love and light of our Savior. His love is the only way.