"Chaos and confusion ensued all around her, yet she suddenly felt calm. Maria told us that she felt this incredible peace and that, in spite of all the inexplicable destruction of the moment, she felt that God was there looking out for her."
Being a mother of an infant who was born at 27 weeks, in those three months spent in the NICU, most would assume I was a nervous and emotional wreck. I often would feel inadequate and undeserving to be his mother when my response took most by surprise. "I was never that afraid. I always felt a sense of calmness and a knowledge that he'd be okay, and one day he'd be able to come home with us."
Often times in our trials and struggles we don't realize the Lords hand in our life. We fail to understand that the peace we are feeling is that of the Holy Ghost. How patient is our Heavenly Father and Savior? To give of their love to us only to have us not even recognize it's Theirs? Sometimes we may think we are creating it ourselves, or maybe we feel we have simply become so numb to the situation that we are just pushing through what happens to be our life for the time being. We become proud and, without realizing it, we have fallen away from being close to the Spirit. But even when we fail to remember Him and include Him, He STILL remembers us, and He STILL blesses and comforts us.
I reflect back to those fragile days spending every day, every hour we could in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit with our 2lb 7oz baby boy. Shortly after he was born his room was filled with loved ones as his daddy gave him a blessing. I don't remember much of the blessing, but I do remember one significant thing. He had mentioned Angels to watch over our little Corbin. And every single day I knew, I knew Angels were there protecting him. Not just Angels we couldn't see, but Angels we could see. My angel of a mother would go in and see him every single morning before beginning her shift at the hospital. Her presence near him, and her love for her grandson, and I'm sure, many silent prayers said on his behalf, were having an impact on my ability to be calm and have peace. And not only were her prayers being said on my baby's behalf, but my mom would come in and sing to him and hold him and so many other family members, I know had us in their prayers.
I wish I knew then what I know now. When we stay near to our Savior, when we desire and continuously ponder, study and pray and fill our minds with things of the Spirit we are constantly reminded of how the Spirit works in our lives. We will better understand how to feel and hear the whisperings of the Spirit. We will be guided. We will be loved. We will be comforted, and we will find joy.