If you were to look up the word, "mother" in the dictionary the first definition would say, "a female parent." Wow. Yes, because if I weren't a mother already, that definition would make me ever so NOT excited to become a mother.
If you go to lds.org and search, "definition of mom" you would find this (along with many other encouraging and inspiring words):
Being a mother is so much more than a biological process. It's the highest, holiest service assumed by humankind. It is the definition of selfless service. It's both a daunting responsibility and a glorious opportunity. The divine role of motherhood is a gift from God, and key to His plan of happiness for all His children.
I'm not going to lie. The last few weeks have been kind of off for me. I'm not even sure how to describe it. I simply had zero patience and did not take any opportunities to teach instead of discipline. I don't even know what it was. Way late after baby blues? Stress? The emotions I've faced in my desires to have another baby? I don't know. I just haven't been myself. I felt defeated. I felt like I wasn't good enough, like no matter how hard I tried I wasn't going to be able to raise my boys to become the men I always dreamed they would become, the men they are capable of becoming. I think the reality of how much responsibility is on us, as mothers, truly just hit me head on. These precious little boys...who they become starts with me.
I'm not sure what happened that snapped me out of it. But something did. My focused changed. I realized something. Just because I made the choice to have children and become a mother, doesn't make me a mom. I have to make a conscious and heartfelt decision every day to be a mom. Any woman could choose to just push away her children's needs, wants and emotions. She could do the basics. Feed them, bathe them, let them sleep etc. That to me, is not a mom. That is a female parent making sure the child is surviving. A mom is more. A mom loves, teaches, guides, counts to ten, plays, laughs, tickles, sings, talks gently, hugs, kisses, whispers the words, "I love you" 45,034,303 a day, prays privately and with her children, worries and loves unconditionally. A mom knows the difference between disciplining and teaching opportunities. She makes an every day decision to be the best mom she can be.
I've seeked His guidance. I am learning to not compare myself to other moms. I've let go of high expectations and learned to adapt to my children's lives rather than conforming to them. I'm learning to choose my battles. This is our life. I have engaged myself more fully in my boys play. We've done more imagination play. We've done new things and explored new places. I've dug deeper and prayed harder to understand my boys needs on an individual basis. I've made a more conscious effort to be that mom that He knows I can be; that mom that He wants me to be. Every day is truly a gift. I want each moment of theirs to be special, memorable and full of laughter and unconditional and unquestionable love.
When those hard days hit...I hope we always remember that it happens, but it's how we handle ourselves that will control the rest of the day. Our babies are only babies once. I hope we learn to be able to cherish every.single.moment with them.