Sunday, April 6, 2014

Sometimes I win.

It's like a replay button has been hit over and over and over again.
Every night when I go and check on my boys I am overwhelmed with a feeling of gratitude.
I love them so much.
But often times when I go into Corbin's room, kiss his little forehead and tell him I love him
I often feel like I've failed.

I shouldve been more patient.
I shouldve played with him a little more.
I shouldn't have been so hard on him over something.
Why couldn't he of had two cups of applesauce instead of just one?

Then I bring myself out of it, and I remember all the things I did right.  Like for instance, this morning when both my boys decided to wake up before seven am and Corbin walked over to the pantry and grabbed an applesauce cup and a spoon and brought it over to me.  Instead of telling him to wait until breakfast, I opened that little container up, he sat next to me on the couch and we had ourselves a little cup of pure deliciousness.  Corbin always asks to watch cartoons, like all day long, and I usually cave and they play in the background while he runs around playing.  Today, this was a no go.  We played and laughed and the only times he had a cartoon on was his morning cartoon, and right before bed he watches one.  Other than that there was no cartoons.  And it was a good day.  Instead of pouring his paint onto the plate for him, I let him pour it and helped him learn portion control.

All of us have things we need to work on.  I have to remind myself that no mom is perfect.  We all lose, almost on a daily basis.  But it's these little moments where we win that we need to plant in our hearts.  What ever seeds we plant those are the flowers that will bloom.  At the end of the day we need to remember all the smiles and giggles we heard, not the whines and cries.  We need to look at those moments where we lost and remind ourselves we will do better tomorrow.

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