Friday, March 7, 2014

paranoid mama syndrome

Most of you who read this blog know the whole story about Corbin's birth.  You know that he came to join our family three months too soon when I was only 27 weeks pregnant.  A lot of you commented during that time in my life, and after when I finally got the courage to share, how strong you thought I was and how you have no idea how you would have been able to handle something like that.  Well, you're right.  You don't know, because you didn't go through it.  Just as I wouldn't know how I would handle the loss of my child before he/she was even born like women who experience a miscarriage.  We don't know how we'd handle a situation until we go through it.  His birth and three month stay in the NICU was almost like it wasn't real.  One.  I was a mother.  I was a mom!  Any new mom goes through that realization that hits like a ton of bricks.  I was now a mom who had full responsibility to care for this 2lb 7oz perfect little spirit.  me.  Heavenly Father trusted me with this baby.  He knew when Corbin would arrive to earth to meet me for the first time even though I didn't.  Most people think they would be so sad and scared to have a baby born so early.  Even though it was, at times, scary, during this stage in Corbin's life I was filled with more peace and almost a garaunteed reassurance on a consistent basis that he was going to be o.k; he was going to make it through this, and so would I.  I was going to be able to bring him home from the hospital when the time was right, and I was going to be able to raise him here on earth.  I cried, a lot.  I wanted my baby home, in my arms, but everytime there was that reassurance again, "everything is going to be okay."

I feel like I share this story of his and mine, a lot.  But I think I know why.  His whole birth and stay in the NICU has shaped me more than I realize.  There are these moments here and there where I'll realize how many times I truly felt the love of my Savior and Heavenly Father during that time.  The veil is so so thin when you give birth.  And even though I didn't realize just how thin it was, at the time, when I look back I see how many times He was there, and how many times He answered my silent prayers, and continuously gave me hope.

They told me it'd take a while for him to catch up.  He had the chance of being fairly behind for a while.  He might have health issues etc etc.  Well fast forward three years.  No health issues, he's smarter than some three year olds, he is almost all the way potty trained, and he does great around other kids.  He is the sweetest and kindest little boy when he wants to be.  You would never guess he was preemie, other than the fact that he is pretty small for a three year old. He's perfect.

My whole point to the title of this post, and the motivation behind this post was the epidemic of every mama comparing her children to other children.  Or simply always worrying that their child wasn't hitting the major milestones at the appropriate times.  I am a victim of this.  I knew Corbin would be behind at the beginning of his life, hitting those sitting, eating, crawling and walking type of milestones, and yet I panicked after each one would pass and he still hadnt mastered it.  Now I see how developed and smart he is, and I laugh at how worried I was.  Granted he was a preemie and so I worried if he would even master a milestone, period.  Not just be late at accomplishing it, but would he even master it?  But still, let your baby just do his or her own thing.  Each child will master each milestone at their own pace.  Enjoy each little moment.  Don't try and compete with your friends baby who started walking at 10 months to your baby who still isn't walking at 14 months.  You will be amazed and feel a tad silly when your baby starts walking a week later! haha.  Seriously though.  I'm glad I realized this with Corbin because as you can see in the above photo, he is a big brother now, and with his little brother I am able to just relax and know that he will do his thing at his own pace.  In fact, when I don't try and force milestones to be accomplished, they seamlessly happen on their own shortly after.

Let your baby be little.  Enjoy each moment.

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