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Monday, March 17, 2014

change of heart

I feel like my heart is changing.  Is that weird?  Does that even make any sense?  I feel like its expanding.  Yesterday my husband and I gave talks in sacrament.  Usually I am a mess, meaning so nervous, shaky voice, shaky restless legs, etc.  Nothing.  I was so calm.  For the most part.  (I'll get to that)  I remember saying a prayer right before we left for church.  I wanted whoever was in that congregation to feel His love.  I wanted them to know my testimony and feel His spirit.  I wanted my words to be His.  I put complete faith in Him.  It was just different, and it was good.  In part of my talk I talked about my mother in law, and she happened to be holding ground down on the benches with our two boys for us while we spoke.  I did so great all through my talk, and then when I dived into when I talked about her I started to lose it.  This woman who I got lucky to be apart of her family, she is amazing.  I am so incredibly blessed.  I remember when I was trying to write my talk little things would come to me here and there, and one morning on the way to work my mother in law came to my mind.  I pushed the thought aside, but it kept coming back.  So I whipped out my cell phone (shhhhhhh) and recorded some things I felt I should remember to share in my talk about her, and later as  I got to writing my talk it just all fell together, perfectly.

I feel like I'm changing.  I'm seeing people differently.  I'm loving fully and beginning to wear my heart right on my sleeves.  That's not always a good thing, because I'm easily hurt and take things really personally, but it can be a very good thing too.  I'm learning to realize my own faults before I go looking at others faults.  I'm not perfect, and so why do I see fit to compare and judge others?  I'm learning to focus on becoming the best version of myself.  My testimony is growing, and my love for the Gospel is expanding.  I'm learning to put God first and everything else is intensifying and becoming more real, more deep.

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