Wednesday, March 19, 2014

a piece of my heart

Motherhood is truly the most beautiful thing.  My heart is so full right now.  I feel so blessed.  Which, going off of 1.5 hours of sleep last night because I am a mother, you would think I'd be feeling a bit different.  I am so tired right now.  It was a long night, but a suprisingly good day, even though neither of my boys napped at all today which means I should be a zombie right now, right?  Today was a good day though, my boys were happy, and Kaden even let me have some down time and he was completely content and happy watching a movie. (this never happens.  He is a very active little boy, and wants the attention all the time.  So this I am grateful for.)  I got the dishes done and vaccuumed.  We walked down to maverick and I bought the boys their first ice cream cone; which Corbin ate the whole thing!  He was in heaven.  We went to the park for a bit, and then came back home.  I'm ready for bed, but my heart is just so full.

Before having kids, before I was a wife, it was just me.  I could go and do anything I wanted when I wanted.  If I wanted to sleep in until 1pm I could.  If I wanted to lay on the couch all day and just watch movies, I could.  However, when I could do those things, and sometimes I would, I would feel gross, lazy and feel like I needed to go be productive.  Now, I would kill to do one of those things!  ha!  It's funny how things change.  Before I was a mother, I worried about only myself.  I was happy and my life was satisfying, but never in the way that I feel now, after having children.

I feel as if I was born to become a mother.  This was my purpose.  Bringing children into this world is not an easy task for me, and at times, because of this, I let myself believe I wasn't meant to be a mother.  Satan is powerful and he got a hold of me, good.  "If you were meant to be a mom it wouldn't be so hard."  I can't believe I let myself fall for all the things he tried to get me to believe.  I was meant to be a mother.  My children are meant to be mine.  They are changing me.  I could not, there is no way, I could become the person I want to become without them.  They push me and teach me how to be the best version of myself.  I want to be and do my best for them.  Each of them has such an emotional, unique and special pull on my heart.  

1 comment:

  1. ok............crying........not fair. that was another beautiful blog. I cant wait to hold and play with those two adorable guys when I see them.......gramma