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Friday, February 28, 2014

Unspoken Prayer


"Because I love the Father
I want the minds of men to be lifted when
They look at me
Because I am His daughter
I wanted my devotion to him
To be what they see"

My parents separated before I was even a year old.  The first memories I have with my dad was when my mom and I lived in California and my dad lived in Utah and he would make the 10-12 hour drive to come see me every weekend.  I looked forward, so much, to all the fun things we would do together when he came.  Just me and him.  I loved it.  I was young.  I didn't know why my parents weren't together, but I never had that fantasy of them ever getting back together like some kids do.  It was just life for me, and that was how it always was.  I lived with my mom and I would see my dad every weekend.  End of story.  And that was okay with me...it worked.   

Then something happened.  
The every weekend visits stopped.

When he did come to visit, it wasn't just him.  My grandma or aunt would come with him.  And although we still had fun it wasn't the same not having just daddy/daughter time.  Our relationship changed.  I didn't know it at the time, but it did. It was slowly changing.  As I grew into my teenage years our relationship was almost non existent, and now, it's there, but it's nothing like a girl would want her relationship with her father to be.  I didn't have that father figure in my life...that one who took me fishing and camping, the father who scared the pee out of teenage boys who broke his little girls heart.  I didn't run to my dad for comfort or words of wisdom.  I never had that.  I never will have that.  It's unfortunate and sometimes it really hurts but that's how it is.  


Heavenly Father has humbled me in a way I never even thought of.  Though I have more of an acquaintance relationship with my dad, I am not all lost.  HE is my Father in Heaven.  He is the one I should be looking to for guidance and direction.  Obviously dads are here on earth for a reason.  And although those dads who choose to be a dad play a very vital role in raising their children-we all have a constant.  Our Father in Heaven is always there for us.  We try to be like our Savior, Jesus Christ so we can return to our Father in Heaven.  We are His children.  Our parents are our earthly guardians to help steer us in the right direction, but as we grow older, even they, our dear parents, become more like friends than parents to us.  However, our Father in Heaven will always be our Father.

He has always been there for me, and He always will be.  He loves me and He knows me.  He has given me comfort, an answer to an unspoken prayer I've had for so many years.  I want to be better.  I want to live for Him.  I want my every step to be intentional.  I want to have a meaningful impactful life.  I want to leave behind a legacy.  A good one.  One of love and kindness.  I want to be remembered as that girl who helped inspire and uplift those around her.  Not because she was amazing, but because she was able to let the Spirit guide her and be an instrument in her Father's hands.  And I know that if I'm living a good life then my children will follow too.

1 comment:

  1. my dad left when I was 8 mos old. I never met him until I was 30 and then I never saw him again. my father that adopted me is 'my father' but he never took me fishing or on dates or told me I was pretty or that I was the best...yes, I had a dad here on earth but was he the dad I dreamed of having? no......I always assumed he loved me but it wasn't because of things he did with me or for me.....some girls have 'the dad I always wanted to have' and I was always jealous......sometimes we have to give ourselves what we want and need unless or until someone comes along and gives those things to us......so far that person has not come along, but im hopeful.....you have a wonderful husband...ask for what you want or need. maybe things you didn't have with your dad or grandpa's......he could help a lot......I love you very much honey......I tried to be mom and dad for you but nothing like daddy/girly relationship......

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