Monday, August 26, 2013

answers come

Sunday Aaron and I gave talks in sacrament.  The topic I spoke on was faith, based on Jeffrey R. Hollands talk "Lord, I believe" from last general conference. I really enjoyed writing my talk and suprisingly I really enjoyed giving it, as well.  I normally am very nervous when I get up in sacrament or in any public setting, really.  But this time was different.  I felt calm.  This talk helped me realize something very extremely important.  Writing this talk made me see just how aware my Heavenly Father is of me.  This talk helped me remember how He speaks to me.  

Within my talk I spoke about how God speaks to each of us, individually, in different ways.  I've known this for as long as I can remember.  I've been taught this lesson so many times.  But I think I often just push it under the rug, because I hear so many stories of how people are hearing God tell them what they should do.  When I hear stories like this it always made me think that these people would literally hear a voice.  But that's not how it is for me.  When I am in need of something in my life I make a choice, pray about it, pray for peace if it is the right thing and if it's not than I need to feel uneasy and anxious.  This has always worked for me.

I've spoken in a few posts previous about struggling with a few things not so long ago.  Mostly dealing with dwelling on the past and wishing for certain relationships to be as strong as they were  I was praying and praying for this relationship to build and grow again like it used to be.  I missed the friendship.  I really really just wanted it back.  I would try and build it back up with nothing really in return being shown back that the feeling was mutual and that was hard.  Non the less, I continued to pray that my desire for it to build would work.  I continued to try, and I continued to feel sad and lonely.  <----- those feelings right there should have made me see that what I was praying for wasn't what Heavenly Father wanted for me.  I thought of that when I was feeling those emotions, but then thought, "surely the Lord would answer my prayer in the way I want it to be answered.  This is a righteous desire.  There is nothing wrong with it."  Which it's true.  There was nothing wrong with wanting a friendship to bloom and become strong again.  However, there is always a good better and best in every situation.  I don't know when tables started to turn or my feelings started to change.  I still prayed for the same thing but in a different way.  My focus slowly started to change from what I was wanting to what I already had and the things most important in my life.  My priorities quickly went back to what they should be.  My family took my whole heart...I put them first in my thoughts.  I started to see all the wonderful friendships I have created over the past couple years.  Basically I started to count my blessings instead of dwelling on, a blessing for sure, but just not one that I need to focus on right now.  

My family means so so so so much to me.  We fit each other.  
I have made some incredible friends. 
This year has proved to be a year of significant learning and growing in so many ways.
I would not trade where I am today and the people in my life for anything. 

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