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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

unexpected

I had, somewhat, an unexpected, conversation with somebody I've never really opened up to, last night.  I suppose it wasn't too unexpected because something kept telling me to talk to her.  And when I say something we all know that really means the spirit.  

I'm really embarrassed about what's truly been bothering me lately.  Like seriously.  It's gotten me so down that just the thought of it usually brought me to tears.  And on top of that I've been struggling with post partum, which I didn't think I could go through that 4 months after having a baby.  I always thought it came right after having the baby.  The point being... I was struggling, embarrassed, didn't want to open up to anybody which led to just becoming more and more down.  

So last night.  Our talk.  I told my friend what was bothering me.  I was open and 100% honest.  It was hard, but the way she responded to me was so touching and so honest, thoughtful and just perfect.  I didn't know her words were impacting me as much as they have when she was saying them to me, but when I got into bed last night is when it truly hit me.  It was literally like a load of bricks was lifted off my shoulder.  I felt for myself that Heavenly Father is mindful of me.  He knows what'll make me truly happy.  He has a path laid out for me.  I've been praying for something that may have been what I thought would make me happy...but it's apparently not what Heavenly Father KNOWS will make me happy.  I need to feed from that.  Trust in Him.

So although what's been bothering me is still a touchy subject, and it may always be, I don't feel depressed about it anymore.  If its brought up I'd probably still get pretty emotional, but I now have the faith, the strength and the knowledge that its going to be okay.  So thank you for being there for me last night.  You are truly a great friend.  You may have not had an answer...but nobody really does for things like this.  The point is, you were there.  You listened and gave personal experiences when needed.  You let me vent and talk about my situation and how I was hurting.  You helped lighten my load even though your load may be heavy as well.  I know I have a ways to go before I'm ever fully over it.  Before it ever stops really hurting.  But at least I know I can be happy and live my life, and not dwell on it 24/7.  So thank you for just being there for me.  It truly meant a lot.  And HAPPY BIRTHDAY TODAY!

Love my boys!!

1 comment:

  1. You have such a beautiful little family! What cute baby boy's you have! Hope things are looking up! You're a great person & friend! Your family is so lucky to have you! :)

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