Friday, June 7, 2013

so here i am

I haven't used my blog to let everything I'm feeling, out for a very long time.  Maybe it's because it's hard for me to be vulnerable, even to myself, anymore.  But here I am.

Being a mom is hard.

I think I've been going through a state of a "mom funk" maybe?  Nothing too extreme like some women face, but I am not that happy spunky girl I feel I used to be.  You see, I am around kids all the time. I work with kids and come home to my beautiful kids. Which is awesome in some ways because I love kids, but I think it's getting to me.  I'm missing adult interaction maybe?  I have a lot of friends that I talk to, and a handful of people who I talk to that I hold very dear to my heart.  I've learned something about myself, and that's that I love with a passion.  Those that I hold dear to me I usually think about them very often, and I like to let them know that by calling them or texting them, or doing something with them.  Just to let them know I was thinking about them, and I want to hear how they're doing.  Which leads to me realizing that I'm usually the one that strikes up a conversation with someone.  If I receive a phone call or text from a friend or family member, it's usually because I text or called them first.  I don't know, I guess I just think it'd be nice to be on the other end.  To receive a call or text or letter from someone letting me know that they were thinking of me.  I always get referred to as the "sweet friend" or the "kind friend" the "loyal friend" or the "you're such a great example to me kind of friend."  Which are all amazing and I'm grateful people can see me as such, but that's just it.  I get those remarks because I always let them know how amazing I think they are.  I feel like I'm being selfish but it's just how I feel lately.  I want to hang out or talk with someone more often and their response makes me feel like "yeeeeah that'd"  the end.  My friends and family care, but I'm just not the friend they'd call up just to talk to.  Remember in high school how you and your best friend would like call each other every day just to tell each other something funny or to do something?  Remember when you'd have weekends free and get together to go do a fun girls night or sleepover and call random people?  Obviously we grow up, get married, get jobs, have a bigger family, have kids, have responsiblities etc.  All those things kind of wind up taking priority.  Which is how it should be...and we need to work to make money for our family, but I don't think all that should wipe out other relationships.  Maybe it's just something I need to work on.  Maybe I'm just socially awkward and people feel awkward around me? haha.  Who knows.

Tonight is definitley going to be a put the boys to bed, pull out my "half baked" Ben and Jerry's icecream and watch a chick flick on Netflix while I wait up for my hubby so I can cuddle kind of night!  So if you have any reccomendations on a good chick flick, please share!

So to all my friends and family, know that I love you dearly.  I think about you all the time.  You all are always in my thoughts!

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