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Saturday, November 10, 2012

friends

It's funny how in middle school, or high school, there are always those 'cliques.'
The group or single girl who everybody thinks is just so cool.
Or there's those girls you see in school and think, "man.  She's pretty cool I wish we were friends."
But then your shy self puts the accusation in your head, "girl!  Look at her!  She'd never be friends with you."
and you curl up inside and become even more self conscious.
At the time I see that shy girl as a girl who just is afraid of putting herself out there and making new friends.
Now I see it from a different view.  What are those thoughts saying about that girl who you thought wouldn't be friends with you?
That she is so stuck on herself that she wouldn't even bother getting to know you?
That she's got too many friends already that another one would be such a huge burden to her?
Also, what are you saying about yourself?
That you're not good enough?
You have nothing to give or offer?

Why is it so hard to go out of the box and make friends with whoever you want to make friends with?
A lot of the times, for me, it was always that I was the new girl.  
I went to three different high schools.  So whenever I got there, everybody already had their group of friends.
I always felt like I would never fit in to any of them.
I always figured that if they wanted to be my friends then they would come to me.
I would always end up making many friends who I could hang out with, but never really that one friend who was my best friend and I was theirs.

It's kind of fun now to see some of "those girls" from high school writing on blogs and expressing their feelings and emotions.
It makes me think oh my gosh.  They felt and feel exactly how I do/did.  
There's another problem.  You have so many girls who are shy that they just never meet.

I love being married.
I love having my husband be my rock.  My best friend, and I his.
I love feeling the unconditional love he has for me and our family.  It's undeniable and it's irreplaceable.
But "friendships" outside of marriage have taken on a different meaning to me as I have become a girl who doesn't live within the walls of a drama filled high school.  I live in the real world now.
Last night as I was singing Corbin's favorite primary songs to him as he fell asleep I realized something.
Something that I wish would just always stay with me, but unfortunatly, as women we always have to continue reminding ourselves this.
We are daughters of our Heavenly Father.
He perfected us in His own image, and created each of our spirits with a purpose.
He didn't just "throw us together."
He didn't get tired after the 1,203,495 spirit He created and just half do the rest of us.
He gave each of us specific qualities, talents, desires, testimonies etc.
He is proud of each and every one of us.  He doesn't look down on us.  He doesn't sit and think, "oh geez.  I totally messed up with that one...what was I thinking?"
Nope, not how it works.  Sorry.  We are each who we need to be.  Who we were created to be.
It may take us a while to discover just who that is, but I can gaurentee, everytime we see deeper within ourselves...we will be amazed at how much our Heavenly Father loves us.
When I was singing to Corbin I thought, "No other woman on this earth would be right to be Corbin's mom."
Corbin was sent to me.  Only I can raise this child of my Heavenly Father's in the way He has planned it.
Corbin was sent to Aaron and I because we need to learn something from him.  He is ours.  Not any other parents-but ours.

So why be afraid to be yourself and be a friend to that person or those people that you want to be.
Maybe you two have something to give to each other.
We as women need those bonds with other women.
I like many other girls have talked about lately, feel that I am extremely awkward and shy.
I don't know how to go about "starting a friendship" but I do know one thing.
I know how to be me and I know how to be a good friend.
I struggle somedays with my appearance.  With who I am and who I am striving to become.
I struggle with trying to not compare myself to the other woman who is beyond crafty.
To the woman who has a nice beautiful home and a degree in college.
But guess what?  I have to remind myself that I am not the only woman in the world who struggles with those things.
That's another reason why we need those bonds.  To see that we all have more in common than we think.
To be one anothers support and to just have someone there who we can count on!




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