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Friday, June 1, 2012

prayer

I often wait until I get settled for the night and in bed before I write in my journal or blog. But tonight I am doing things a bit different. My mom has always taught me to write things down as I think of them; don't wait until later or you'll forget.  I have a pretty good memory so I have never really taken her up on her advice.  However, today I decided to follow that profound advice given.  You see, it's usually in the early mornings on my way to work, before the sun even wakes up, that I find myself having those "moments.where.inspiration.floods.in."  Or, it's while I soak in the tub after a day of work, playing with Corbin and cleaning.  Unfortunately, I can't write down my thoughts on my way to work, but I can write them down after I get out of the tub at night, instead of waiting until I get into bed.

I wouldn't say I've been depressed, or even sad lately.  But you know those times when you just aren't exactly "put together?"  It's not just an off day but an off several days?  Well let's say it's been like that.  I was struggling with an issue I've had a hard time with before, again, and was finding myself thinking, "really?  This again?  I got over it once...now it's back for round, oh, 12,000?  Okay, well apparently there is something I need to learn, and this time I am going to do it the right way!"  

This led me to pray.  Well so I thought.  In my church we are told that if we ever have a question or problem that we can ask our Heavenly Father and He will help us, if we are willing to listen, obey and work.  I believe in prayer, and I have a testimony that prayers can be answered, but that testimony has been lacking lately.  I haven't been very consistent in my prayers.  Sometimes they're just mumbled real quick as I lay in bed with my eyes closed, because I am too tired, or just don't want to get out of bed.  Maybe I felt I wasn't worthy of an answer.  My faith in prayer seemed so little.  What was I supposed to do?  My action sounds silly at first but it was the best decision I could have made at that time.  I googled "how to pray lds."  Then I found myself reading a talk from Richard G. Scott "Using the Supernal Gift of Prayer" on lds.org  Such a powerful talk on prayer and it answered a prayer in and of itself.  After reading the talk I found myself on my knees asking for help.  Even as hard as this was, I prayed to know His will for me.  I told Him that I knew His will for me would make me happy, and so even if His way wasn't the way I was going....I was going to follow His way.  Then something happened that has really never happened to me, I prayed for what I felt was His will for me was and it felt right, and today was a very good day.  When I woke up this morning I was  totally at peace.  What a remarkable feeling.

I've learned that if I'm ever feeling distanced from my Father in Heaven, or I feel unworthy to pray- or both, what I really need to do is...pray.  And read that talk each time.  When I feel I don't want to pray, chances are, that's when I really need to be praying.  

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