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Wednesday, January 11, 2012

caution: LONG post

(so I wrote this back at the end of November last year but never published it...but I thought I would now...because I just saw it, and was like, hey...let's publish this...ha)

This weekend I was asked, "what is the most frusterating part about being a mom?"  I couldn't say anything...I couldn't think of anything that frustrated me.  So this person continued on and said, "oh come on, you can't sit there and tell me that you wake up every morning thinking, 'yay!  I get to wake up and take care of a baby!'  seriously dude?  Ok, maybe sometimes I wish I could sleep just a little bit longer, but that's not even on days that I wake up to my little Corbin.  The thoughts of wishing I could sleep a little bit longer come on days when I work at 6 or 5 in the morning.  The days I get to sleep until 8:30 or 9:00am and then get back in bed and cuddle with my baby and husband are the best ever.  


Sometimes I sit in amazement of people who don't live the Gospel, who have found other 'paths' in life.  Good people are of all sorts of faiths, but to know good people, and to know what they are missing out on is sad.  To think that some people think that having a spouse and children are "burdens," well, I feel bad for them.  There is a time to be young, wild and independent....and then there is a time to grow up, live right and be an example of what life truly is about.  I love that in life we are surrounded by people in different stages of life...people who live different ways.  I love getting different perspectives and hearing peoples stories and their own adventures; most of the times those stories just make me even more grateful for what I have.

I don't like knowing that there are some people out there who have tasted the Gospel and have left.  I don't like knowing that the trials and hardships in their lives have left them blaming the church.  The outcome of that is always so sad.  It's hard...trials.  I wish people could see that it's not the church, it's not the guidelines or the "rules."  There are no rules.  We all have free agency.  It's the people.

I've been in several different wards in my life.  Well, to be honest, I don't really even remember going to church until I moved to Utah in the 7th grade.  Even then, I don't remember going until about 9th grade.  That may come as a shocker to some but it's true.  In 10th grade I remember it well because I remember my mom coming with me...for a while.  I know we went together all the time in years before, but I just don't remember it.  Anyways, after a while it was just me who kept going to church.  I knew my mom believed in the church.  I knew she loved our Heavenly Father, and I knew she wanted me to attend church.  I knew that if she didn't believe it was true, she wouldn't care if I went or not, but she always encouraged me to go.  Soon, I began to start feeling very judged of members in my ward, and I began to kind of fade away.  I remember finding out my mom did too...it's hard to go to a family ward as a single mother..I shouldn't say that.  It's hard to attend a ward who doesn't seem warm and welcoming to someone who is single.  But just the people in general can cause a person to loose their faith.

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we need to be kind.  Not when we feel like being kind, but in all times...in all things...and in all places.  We can truly make tremedous impacts in others lives.  We can be the one who makes someone not want to come to church or we can be the one who makes a person want to be more like our Savior.  We get to choose.  But it's not all our job.  It depends on the faith and willingness on the other persons part as well.  They have to want to live the life they know is true.  No matter how hard it is to get back on their feet...they have to be the ones to do it; with help of course from their Father in Heaven, if they ask.  And we should be there to help in any way we can.

People look at our word of wisdom or law of chastity or the ten commandments or the guidlines we have for the youth...they look at all these "cant do this cant do that..."  I am so glad we have all these guidelines, because they're exactly that--guidelines.  I've often thought, "If I hadn't have been raised in the church, and been taught all my life that "smoking and drinking is bad..."  I could be a drug addict off running from an abusive boyfriend or something right now.  I could have dropped out of high school and not have experienced life changing experiences after high school.  Bigger than that...I would have never seen importance of being married in the temple, and I know that I wouldn't be married to my husband, and we wouldn't have our sweet baby boy, if it weren't for the guidelines that I have been taught.  I am so thankful for a mom who always taught me to follow the Gospel, even when I knew it was hard for her to.

I am ever so grateful for the sacrifices my mom made for me, and for always working her butt off so I could live a comfortable life.  She may not have been able to give me all that I wanted "materialistically."  I may not have been able to do dance, theater, ice-skating, t-ball, etc all at once, right when I wanted.  Guess what?  I did get to do all those things in time though.  She always found a way for me to experience new things, and she always encouraged me to chase after my dreams no matter how crazy they may have seemed.  And although I didn't always like getting up and going to church, and I still remember to this day, always waking up on Sunday and asking, "are we going to church today?"  She would always tell me yes.  I am so grateful that she always answered yes.  That one word led me to where I am today.

In words of "Monte Carlo" or Ghandi "Be the Change you want to see in the world."  There is no better way to live.

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