I was recently reading one of my friends blogs and in one of her previous posts she mentioned a friend of hers who had to deliver her child halfway through her pregnancy due to a miscarraige. She was able to hold her precious baby for but a few minutes and then that was it. She had to send that little angel off. my heart broke. What a special little spirit that mother was holding, but what a heart wrenching, devastating experience to go through. I still ache for this family. Everytime I hear of a miscarriage or stillborn I ache. I feel so blessed that Corbin is here with us. I remember the nurse telling me that I was going into labor....tonight. I panicked. When she left the room I looked at Aaron and just started to ball. I think that's the first time he has ever seen me really really cry. I hadn't felt Corbin move in my stomach all day and I was so worried that I'd deliver him and he wouldn't live.
He did...and he's healthy and all ours!
I love our little boy with all my heart. I know I say this so much, but each day I fall more and more in love with him. I wasn't ready to be a mom when Corbin was born. In my mind I still had about 12 weeks to go; I was still preparing myself. Being a mom requires a lot of someone. Being a mom brings a woman to dig deep within herself to be unconditionally patient, selfless, responsible, independent, confident, loving and so much more. I still am not perfect, nor will I ever be, at any of these, but I know each day I get better and better. Corbin helps me and teaches me how to be better everday, and I am so grateful for his sweet spirit and the love he brings into our home.
Another thing I read on my friends blog was a post about eternal marriage. She was struggling with giving a talk about eternal marriage because she herself had given up all hope on ever being married. She's one of those girls I've always looked at and wondered, "why don't guys just swoop in and get down on one knee and ask her to marriage? I just don't get it!" She like some other girls I know are so beautiful, intelligent, strong in the gospel, and would be such wonderful wives and mothers. I never understand why...why isn't a guy there by their side? Well recently something hit me
The Lord guides us to places in our lives. We are guided by His hand. He knows the choices we'll make and He knows the consequences/rewards to those actions. Some women will go to certain places that make it so they'll accomplish great things in their lives solo. Some woman will be in a place at the right time where she'll meet that "prince charming." Some women will create a beautiful legacy here on the earth of service and happiness and in the next she'll be better prepared to be that wife she always dreamed to be.
I didn't word that exactly as I probably wanted to but I hope ya'll get my point. We're in certain places in our lives for specific reasons. For example, I planned on going on a mission. In fact, just as I was going to start on my papers is when I met Aaron. I didn't know I wanted to marry him at the start, but I knew that I wanted to see where it went; which led me to forgo the mission papers. I was in a certain place in my life where I was in the right place at the right time to meet someone that I was supposed to meet. Of course it was my choice whether I chose that person or not. While other women will go through men and date and date and never find that someone, but that's not horrible. Although, most women dream of finding their prince charming in this life we were told that in the life after this one, all women will be given the oppurtunity to have that special person in their lives for eternity. What a great blessing to look forward to. So although I don't think a person should ever give up hope on finding a spouse, I do believe that if a person has gone through so much in finding someone and has continueously been shot down, don't give up hope, but don't go out looking for it. Live your life in accordance to the Gospel so you know that you're living your life righteously and it's not because your lack of obedience that you're not finding that someone, but it's because it's just not what the Lord has planned for you at that specific time in your life.
PS. I got my first calling ever! I'm the Wolf den leader! :) I'm super excited!!