Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Faith and Courage

I'm so excited to introduce you readers to my wonderful cousin Nikki Davis!
I would introduce you all to her, but you will see what an extaordinary woman she is by reading her story.
I asked Nikki if she would guest speak on
Faith and Courage.
Here is her story:

Where do I even start..I have needed more faith and more courage, to have that faith, than I ever have this year. We started thinking about another baby before Sophia turned 1. I wanted two of my children to be close in age, and then have a bit of a gap in between the next bunch. So I went off birth control and just had complete faith that it all would work out. I started getting really bad stomach pains in august, and by December they got so bad I went into my dr to have them checked out. My diagnosis was endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome. They would have to operate to get all the endometriosis out, and to further check it out. The next available surgery day open was in a month. So I toughened up, and tried to ignore the pain. I had to have a lot of faith that in that waiting time nothing would happen to me internally to prevent me from having children. I had a beautiful blessing before my surgery and after was told that they went in and looked for my endometriosis only to find it all gone. I had an ultrasound a few days before showing that it had covered my whole uterus and was pretty bad. They only found a small spot left and that nothing was there. It was my little miracle. They said to give it a month and we could for sure see if we could get pregnant. We waited two months and my period never came.

Then some life changing experiences happened. I was tested completely with both my faith and courage. I had to change everything in my life and really stand on my own two feet to make some very huge decisions. I made them, hand in hand with our Savior.  And my husband and I both agreed that I would still start fertility treatments with everything going on. Every month I prayed that I would be pregnant, that I wouldn't have to face that fertility drug again. Every month I had to face that I just wasn't getting pregnant, and my faith started wavering. I was mad at everyone. Mad that they didn't have to go through my trials of infertility and all the personal things I was going through. It took a lot of personal growth for me to get out of that rut, and to stop feeling sorry for myself. I knew Jesus Christ had suffered for all of our sins and he had felt all of my pain and anger. And I knew a lot of people were struggling with the same trials, I had heard and read some pretty amazing stories that humbled me. I had an amazing family and some pretty amazing friends to support my husband and I. I was so blessed. I got pregnant in July and lost that baby. It was only two weeks and didn't even plant itself so i was told it wasn't anything to worry about, and that we could immediately try again. I put everything I had in the hands of our Savior and felt so different this time.

We went on a trip where I thought I got really bad food poisoning. The trip was fun, but miserable. I came home and the spirit told me, as clear as I've ever heard it before, to go take a test. I really didn't think that I would be pregnant that month because I had been so violently sick from food poisoning. But I took the test and within 2 seconds it was a very clear positive. I was so so so shocked. I hadnt had food poisoning, I had morning sickness. My little miracle baby is 11 weeks now and is still strong and healthy.
We get ultrasounds every so often to make sure. I thank my Heavenly Father each day for this baby, for both of my babies. They are both miracles to me, and both the light and life in my eyes. I have had an extremely hard 3 years of life, where my faith has been tested multiple times. I have learned to put every ounce of faith and trust in our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and it will unfold how it's supposed to. That is all you can do.   Have faith, say your prayers, read your scriptures, attend the temple, and pay your tithing. These small, but very important, steps lead you closer to Christ each day. I feel like after such a hard 3 years that this child is my big breath of fresh air. Like Heavenly Father is giving me a little 'break'. Or that I'm just at a really strong point in my life where I feel like I can honestly handle it. Either way, I feel so grateful for all the blessings and people in my life.

One quote that I have on my fridge, 'there is no obstacle to great, no challenge to difficult, if we have faith' -Gordan B. Hinckley. It's simple, but very powerful. To me if it's simply put, it shouldn't be difficult. It should be easy, and understood. I am so grateful for this gospel. I don't think I would be in such a place of peace if I didn't have this gospel. Life is hard and unexpected, bit it's only a small time in our lives that we have here on earth. It should be a time well spent; growing, loving, nurturing, and readying ourselves to return to Him. I know without a doubt that I'm in the right spot in my life. I am so glad I had Him in my life to be where I am at, I think if I hadn't put all my faith in Him I would still be lost and have that dark cloud over me. I am so eternally grateful for my family, and the knowledge that if we are separated in this life that we will be together again someday. They are my eternity, and for that I'm so grateful. I hope that this little, but very personal, piece of my life will help in any way possible. Please never feel alone, pray and have faith. Have courage that everything will work out how it needs to, and it will. Good or bad, He will always be there for you.
Photograph by: Samantha Beardall (link to her photography website!)

thank you Nikki.
I sure do love you.

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