Corbin is such an example of faith and hope in our family. His story has traveled to many people and his little spirit has touched many lives. What a remarkable little baby I’ve been blessed with. It’s sometimes hard to comprehend the huge privilege I have to be a mother in the Lord’s plan. On top of that, a mother to a very special spirit. Aaron and I feel so blessed.
Isolation. This was a difficult image to picture for me. I knew that when Aaron and I weren’t there by Corbin’s side he would be alone. In a crib…no attention; only when the nurses came in to do their assessments every three hours. Family offered to be with him when Aaron and I could not but we knew he’d be in there for the long haul, and asking someone to do that for three months? Maybe if he had only been in there a couple weeks, but not three months. Every time I was with him I’d just hold him for hours on end while he was hooked up to a bunch of probes and oxygen. He was going through so much and yet every time I would hold him my day got a little brighter. I wasn’t thinking, “why us? why did we have to go through this?” I truly feel so so blessed to have gone through this experience. (Don’t get me wrong…I hope with all my heart our next children don’t have to go through what Corbin did, but all in all, I wouldn’t trade this for anything.) I remember watching his little body work so hard to breath…I remember Aaron and I looking at him just wishing so so bad that we could take his place. We hated seeing him in that setting. Going through so much. What really got to me is…his smile. His beautiful little smile that he gave to us every time we would go see him. I’d just watch him in awe. This sweet tender spirit, my child, our child, going through SO much, struggling to make it day by day, and he would be smiling. His smile, still to this day, just reminds me of what a strong and tender little boy he truly is. Corbin is my hero. He’s taught me so much in the short time he’s been with us so far. I love watching him grow and see his little personality start to come through. I am so grateful that he is a healthy baby…that he has no health issues and is developing normal.
Corbin has strengthened me, not only as a person, but in my testimony. I know that we have a Heavenly Father who watches over all of us. He loves us. He has a unique and divine plan for each and every one of us. There are situations we all go through, and there are situations that only a few of us will ever have to go through. But we go through these because there is something for us to specifically gain from. Some of us go through things, and others look at us in amazement saying, “You are so strong, I could never deal with something like that as well as you did.” We all could deal with anything…if it was designed for us. If it was something we needed to go through. something we needed to learn from it. I look at beautiful amazing women in my life for example. Some who try and try and try to have a child and it’s so hard…and then here I am…no problem at all. But those women do have at least some or one child…a child who brings sunshine to their darkest days. A child who makes the cutest faces and tells her mom that she loves her. Who smiles and says “cheese” (in her own way), and it brings the biggest, most beautiful smile, to her mothers face. Or the woman who has lost a child…who has carried a child and had to depart with an early, unfair goodbye. But yet, she stands strong. She knows that, one day, she will be able to raise that child again. She knows that her child is in good hands and will be truly truly loved. She knows that she will be given the opportunity to have children who will help her and teach her things she never knew she needed to be taught. The woman who knows she will never be able to carry her own child. But she longs, more than anything, to raise a little family. So she does every single thing in her power to be able to live a life she knew she was meant to live. She goes through the long and tiring process of adopting children. And then she finally knows what love comes from being a parent. I feel so lucky that Corbin made it. That he is in our life, at home, creating a spirit in our home, stronger than ever. Motherhood…what an honor, what a blessing…Every woman is a mother in my eyes. Every woman has a divine purpose. I KNOW this to be true.
(Sorry for the tear fest people…sometimes when I write things just keep coming…then I start balling because I think of the beautiful women who are a part of my life who are such great examples to me. I’m surrounded by remarkable people. I want to tell them over and over how remarkable they truly are because I feel that it’s so necessary to tell those that you love, well, that you love them, and then tell them why…)
Have you ever thought about what in this life we have the most attachment to? Just think…it’s people. Sure we can like nice things…We can work hard and buy nice things. That’s okay. But really, when someone we care about moves…we are sad, sometimes cry. when we have to move and cant take, say, our nice furniture set with us for some reason, we don’t cry about it. When someone we care about goes through something hard…we feel their pain, we do anything we can to help them feel better. If our kitchen aid falls and breaks…we don’t feel the pain (maybe the pain of $500 going down the drain, but we get a new one, probably less expensive, and move on.), My point is, as humans, as children of God, we love our friends, family, good people, hero's…more than any material thing. It’s human. It’s just how it is. And what’s the biggest thing in the Gospel? “To love our neighbor.” There is a divine underlying meaning to that. As humans…we love our friends, family, neighbor. As spirit children we are commanded to “love our neighbor.” Coincidence? Nope.
wow. Well now that I’ve spilled my whole life story out to ya’ll I better stop before I make ya’ll fall asleep. Life truly is remarkable…and I hope that we can all see that.