Sunday, March 6, 2011

perfect spirit

What a weekend!  I was so excited to have Friday off.  When I woke up I had missed a call from Corbin’s nurse.  I panicked; I’ve never had a nurse call me before.  I always assumed they would only call if there was an emergency and something serious happened to Corbin.  So you can only imagine what was going through my mind.  I called her back and turns out … we hit a bump in the road.  Corbin was moved back over to the other NICU.  He was back on highflow and in isolation.  The nurse said that he had started breathing super fast and looked as if he was retracting more than normal.  So they were going to do some tests to see if he had an infection, RSV, or anything like that.  Seeing that I do work around a lot of sick children all day long I was afraid I may have given him something.  But I always make sure I’m wearing something different when I go in to see him after work.  Tests came back.  Negative.  What a relief.  Although the tests scan for major infections and such, they don’t scan for little minor sicknesses such as a small cold.  Corbin did sound a little congested so we’re thinking he may have had a little cold maybe.  So he’s no longer in isolation but it’s still a set back from where he was. Last week we were sitting on the front porch of going home.  (expression.)  We we’re soooo-o close.  That’s okay though.  I’d rather him stay longer and be 100% healthy and then come home than coming home too soon and having to go back because something went wrong in the middle of the night or something.

I miss him.  I’m not saying all this for sympathy or anything I just really miss him.  I hope none of you have to ever go through having your precious little baby be in the NICU.  The last stretch truly is the hardest.  Because your baby looks soo healthy and is doing so good but you cant take him home until everything is 100% GO TIME.  I delivered a baby and then he was immediately rushed into Neonatal Care in the NICU.  I barely saw his face once he was here.  Then on top of that I didn’t get to go into the NICU to see him for at least 3hrs after he was born.  Then, all I could do is look at him and touch his hand through the holes in the Isolate.  My first time to hold Corbin was the day after he was born, and I could only hold him twice a day for an hour.  He was so little.  So fragile.  So perfect.  One of the hardest things about the whole thing was leaving him.  When we went to sleep at night … we had to leave him.  He was alone in that room with no one to snuggle him and tell him how much he was loved.  I would lay in the hospital room and cry because I just wanted him with me.  I wanted us to be a family together.  I’m so glad that’s done. 

He’s doing great now.  I am so thankful for that.  He’s drinking his bottles still and progressing so beautifully.  He’s 6lbs 9oz already!!  Some think I’m crazy, but I am so excited to be able to be there for him in the middle of the night when he wakes me up and I’m so exhausted.  I’m so excited to be able to wake up with him and hold him, feed him, and just watch him.  To take in each and every moment.  To slow down and just enjoy his sweet and pure spirit that is inside.  I’ve learned so much from Corbin, and I couldn’t have asked for a better gift.  I’m excited for those moments where he will be able to go to church with us, and for no apparent reason, in the middle of sacrament, just let out a random noise.  Whether its just a random jibber jabber, or a noise from below.  It will be cute, hillarious, embarrassing, and oh how so excited I am for it.  I don’t care if anyone thinks I’m insane, or if you’re a momma already and are thinking, “oh if she only knew…”  I work with kids, I’ve worked with them for years.  I’ve seen a lot.  I love every little piece of them.  Especially Corbin!  I can do it, not alone, but with the help of my Savior and Heavenly Father.  And with the wonderful example of Mary and her courage. 

Here’s my challenge for all of you this week:  Find the good better and best in your lives.  This week try and slow down and fill your week with the better and best. 

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