I totally had everything I wanted to say in my head. Then as I got ready to type all of my thoughts went, "whoooosh!" I don't know where they all went! haha.
Wow, lately...I don't know what it is...I've just found a new found faith and attitutude in everything! I think it has to do with starting school. I mean I am still the same person, but I feel like I can accomplish so much than I ever thought I could. I've signed up for 3 classes, and I just added on Ballroom Dance, and maybe guitar! I also have two institute classes as of now. Hoping again to add on a couple more! I love institute, everything about it, I just love learning more and more about the Gospel. I just got two books today, "Be Your Best Self" by Thomas S. Monson, and another really cool book that I really like so far. I feel like I've taken a gigantic leap of faith with this whole college thing. I have always feared that I wouldn't be able to afford college. I do know that college is something that I need to do. So after a lot of struggling and sincere prayer I was still really confused and frusterated. Then as I was talking to one of my friends she said, "Maybe it's one of those blind faith things." *DING AHA MOMENT FOR HAILI!* So I took a step of blind faith. I drove over to the college, pulled out my debit card...and paid for college...BY MYSELF!!!! I am so thankful for the oppurtunity I had to be a nanny in Italy & Africa and the self dicipline I had to not spend all the money shopping!! haha. I was able to save a BUTT LOAD!!! Which made it possible for me to pay for school. Now don't get me wrong, I don't plan to do that next semester, haha. My goal this semester is to get STRAIGHT A'S and get a freaking amazing scholarship next time.
I think this year is going to be a very interesting one indeed. I've already been able to notice things about me that have been inside all along, but I've never really done anything to show them. (If that makes any sense) I feel like I've robbed myself of some friendships that could have been so much more if I knew myself better a few months ago. I think that is why they say not to rush into things so fast. You really do need to get to know yourself, become the best you that you can be, know who you are, and don't change just to make someone else happy. When you have a better idea of who you are, you will get along, and be able to carry a conversation better with those you care about. When things get tough, and they may not go the way you wanted them to go...you'll have better control over your emotions, and you'll wait to respond until you got it all figured out.
Spiritual Maturity takes time to master. We're each growing and learning each and every day. This kind of maturity doesn't just happen by getting older. Some youth are more spiritual mature than some adults, because we as youth experience things the older generation never has. We were definetly saved for the last days.
I realized heading into this new year, that my life basically has been pretty easy. I've never really HAD to rely on my Savior. Well, what I mean by that is...I've never gone through a really difficult decision where I pleaded and prayed so much before. Today I read about faith. How, when we pray for something we really want and we don't receive it...we feel like we didn't pray with enough faith. Because we have always been taught that if our wants are righteous, and we pray with sincere faith, our prayers will be answered. That's not true at all. Just because our prayers aren't answered how we would like them to be, doesn't mean we don't have enough faith. We do need to show our faith in Him though. Maybe our wants aren't what Heavenly Father wants for us.."AT THAT TIME." We need to have faith in His will for us. If we come to know His will, then we will have faith to ask of the things He would have us ask for. Trials force us to our knees. They are definetly a tender mercy from the Lord. They force us out of the "routinezed" prayer and make us see Our Saviors love for us. He will comfort and bless us for our faith.
This gospel is everything to me. Though I still struggle with a few things in my life I am such a happy person right now. I've learned who I am, and who Heavenly Father sees. When you are able to see that...I think you've hit a good place in your life. I think life will be a bit easier when those hard times come, because you know of the special "Child of God" you are. I see so much in myself and I really just want to start over with everybody haha. I feel like a brand new person. :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Oh and the title of this entry...."AHAIDJFOAIVNJOIAWRFOIRHGOINJTGOIROIJGO;J" I just...you cant...I can't explain it!!!!!!!!!! Some people just have that effect on you....I JUST WANNA...UHM....AHHHH....:) :).....OK OK...haha. Ya'll probably think I'm insane...but you all know the feeling of when you get a text, "from a certain someone", get a phone call, "from a certain someone", hear someone else say the name, "of a certain someone", see the person from a distance....your heart just starts pounding. You want to run up and hug the. You want to just get to know them better. You wanna...you wanna...ahh...you just think they're amazing. haha. Ya that's my title.
PEACE OUT HOMIES!!